Good Friends Are Like Spies

Good friends are like spies. They search for the underlying meaning in your communication.

Well, not exactly like spies. But, good friends have intimacy and look beyond appearances. It would be ideal if we always communicated our thoughts and feelings directly and openly. What a blessing to have friends who can help you to be introspective and self-assess. They search and look intensely to obtain information about us. With candor and insight, they can help us explore our thoughts and behaviors. When there is dissonance between who we say we are, or want to be, and how we are actually behaving, good friends tell us.

We can reach out to good friends for encouragement during challenging times. Friends you can share a laugh with or shed a tear give emotional support. They provide psychological benefits that make life more gratifying. Authentic exchanges, feedback, and validation inspire us. These interactions enhance each other's self-esteem and motivate us to pursue goals and aspirations. When we are facing serious challenges, friends help to normalize life problems and brainstorm solutions. Friendship bonds and connections are vital for our well-being and quality of life. We thrive when we are in union and fellowship with positive people.

Sometimes a problem is disguised within a conversation and it takes a spy friend to reveal the underlying meanings of the spoken words. For example, Men tend to reach out indirectly through conversations about sports or current events when troubled with an issue. It is one way they seek to bond. A spy friend will detect the hidden concern and automatically know to provide comfort or reassurance to his friend.

Women, too, reach out indirectly at times. "Hey Karyn, let's go to they gym," is something I might say to my best friend when I'm stressed, and need to burn off some steam. The conversation may or may not lead to me sharing the cause of my concern. However, the eventual bonding, connecting and interacting will help me cope with the problem. As a spy friend, Karyn will readily pick up on my fears and anxieties and respond lovingly.

Regardless of gender, there are times when friends do need to be direct and open in their communication. Vulnerability and openness enhance trust and intimacy in friendships. My husband, Dr. Ernest C. Garlington, once said to his brother and best friend, Larry, "I'm worried about Ma and need to talk to you." When we are able to be genuine and empathy is reciprocal, the impossible becomes possible. We are counterparts in working toward self-actualization and gathering information for growth.
FRIENDS WHO ARE SPIES:

SPIRITUALLY – pray with and for one another; Sharing faith and fellowship with one another inspires and encourages. Observe spiritual battles and questions of faith. When a friend's faith is tested, gently and lovingly witness about God's power, grace, mercy and love.

PHYSICALLY - spend time together exercising and/or playing sports; This lowers the heart rate and blood pressure thereby reducing stress, anxiety and depression. Observe health challenges and encourage positive changes, exercise, healthy eating habits and regular medical check ups.

INTELECTUALLY - engage in stimulating and philosophical conversations that encourage growth and progress in achieving goals and aspirations. Observe insecurities and inspire friends with confidence to pursue dreams.

EMOTIONALLY – support one another in expressing feelings openly and directly; actively listen to one another. Look for underlying meanings when a friend is defensive, projecting frustration or being irritable. Respond lovingly instead of taking it personally.

SOCIALLY – spend time doing enjoyable and fun activities; networking and having fun bring joy to life and an increased sense of fulfillment. Observe social anxiety and encourage overcoming fears.